The Momentum for Change

–Thoughts on the Black Lives Matter movement

The past ten days have brought so many emotions, it’s been hard to put them into words. Everyday, I seem to experience something different:

• Shock that we are here again, with yet another incident of policy brutality against Black people. 
• Utter embarrassment that an Asian officer just stood and watched. 
• Shaken by the images and accounts of riots, especially from friends who experienced it. 
• Outrage at looters and violent instigators who took advantage of this moment. 
• Sadness for the restaurant workers who endured closures, as well as doctors who continued to help others through the pandemic–only to have their places destroyed. 
• Relief in seeing the solidarity of communities that clean up together after the violence.
• Heartened by how the BLM movement has spread worldwide. 
• Frustration at the difficulty of conveying to Japan the many layers of this complicated issue.
• Disbelief that the leader of our country tear-gassed peaceful protesters just so he could walk and make an empty gesture. 
• Guilt that continued to grow each day–that I’m not doing anything as a minority, especially when I’m in DC.
• Overwhelmed by the sheer volume of news, information, advice, and opinions.
• Shame about my own ignorance and biased opinions.

. . . The list goes on and on. I’ve been writing little by little, and it has been hard to make it cohesive. But I think two things have really helped in recent days: things are finally starting to be peaceful and hopeful; and I got to take part in the protests. 

Responsibility as an Asian American 

One of the hardest things for me has been to figure out my role as a fellow minority who faces some racism, but whose experience is very different from Black people. 

I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to face such oppression every single day. I have been a recipient of some discrimination or racial slurs, but have never been suspected of crimes or deemed dangerous simply because of the way I look. I often forget how much we benefit from civil rights movements and all the other efforts that Black people have made towards equality. We’ve received so much–but are not giving back enough. 

Biases

This has been a time for self-reflection as well. I grew up in Japan and in a state whose African American population is 2%. As a child, I did not know anything beyond what I read in classical literature; saw in television (Gordon from Sesame Street!), movies, or the news from the mainland; or learned through very limited personal interactions. This is simply an excuse, of course. After all, DC’s African American population is 46%. And at any point, including in college and as an adult, I could have made more of an effort to seek information and get to know more people. Have I clutched my bag tighter based on the appearance of strangers I’m passing by? Have I bombarded my patient Black friends with ignorant questions? Yes; I’m ashamed to say that I definitely have. I look forward to learning and improving through dialogue and resources (books, films, articles, videos) that have recently been circulating. 

With the current protests, I initially wondered if I am qualified to speak up. I wanted to say something in solidarity, but was embarrassed about my lack of knowledge and experience on this matter. But as an Asian woman, I have striven to promote diversity and equality, and decided that I should contribute in my own way.

Police Brutality

I learned about Rodney King in school, but did not realize until a few years ago–when Michael Brown, Freddie Gray, Philando Castile and many, many more became household names–that nothing has changed in almost 30 years. I am in disbelief that these incidents continue to happen, despite the protests, civil unrest, and wide media coverage–and that we tend to forget once something else replaces the headlines. (And as others have pointed out, these are only incidents that we know about.) 

Of course, the police needs to change, and I’m glad that’s beginning to happen. But those terrible police officers didn’t act the way they did just because they happen to be more violent. It starts with mindset, which is shaped by education, representation in media, cultural discourse, relationships, and more–so I think we are all responsible for changing things collectively, even if each step might be indirect and small.

I am hopeful that this time, things will be different. We all know nothing will change overnight. But what has been heartening is that, thanks to anyone being able to film and spread information quickly, we are now more vigilant than ever. I do believe that the protests had a hand in upgrading the crime of the first officer, as well as the arrest of the three other officers. And I am hopeful that this movement, now bigger than ever before, is leading to a cultural shift where individuals like me will commit to being more mindful of their words and actions regarding race.

The Center of Action

While the protests began in Minneapolis, DC is very much one of the focal points of this movement. Being here in this moment has been scary and fascinating at the same time. I luckily did not experience riots or heavy policing in the suburbs that I live in. But I was heartbroken to see that many of the buildings I’ve frequented in downtown DC are now destroyed. I’ve enjoyed many lunches at restaurants near the White House (which is a 15-minute walk from my former workplace), and felt especially sad that this happened when dine-in services had finally resumed the day before. I also remember my interactions with the kind doctors, pharmacists, and other staff at the urgent care center and CVS that were destroyed–these professionals risked their own health to continue working during the pandemic. I understand that lives are much more important than properties, and hear that this point had to be made physically because peaceful means were not effective enough. I simply wish we would not have to spread the sadness and anger like this. 

On the other hand, it has been wonderful to see the decisive action by the DC mayor to emblazon 16th Street with the sign “Black Lives Matter.” While there’s criticism that this is a publicity stunt against the White House and that real action is lacking, I do think that, in this moment, this sign is exactly what is needed. I felt that the street became a symbolic safe zone, and this gave me the courage to finally shake off the fear and hesitation I had in joining the protests. I just wanted to celebrate this happy occasion by standing there with my own two feet.

Facing Forward

Sure enough, when I visited yesterday, Black Lives Matter Plaza was the center of activities, be it chanting in front of St. John’s Episcopal Church or dancing and singing in front of the letters. While the boarded up buildings were stark reminders of the violence during the past week, the overall vibe was positive and encouraging.

Even three months ago, none of us could have imagined this surreal scenery: people dressed in surgical masks and black attire kneeling in front of a caged Lafeyette Park, surrounded by boarded storefronts and vandalism. It sounds apocalyptic, if not for the fact that we were all there because of hope for a better future. I have faith that this is a historical moment. One day, we’ll look back and say: this is when the tides finally began to change.

*PS: I finished this blog post on a positive note last night and was getting ready to post it–but found out this morning that apparently someone defaced the DC flag at the end of the “Black Lives Matter” sign overnight, converting it into an equal symbol (=) that leads to the words “Defund the Police.” I’m very sad that someone used this powerful sign to promote their own view, stripping away the proud moment many of us felt about being in DC. It didn’t even last 48 hours.

PPS: Apparently DC authorities will not erase the “Defund the Police” message, but instead repaint the three stars so that it’s no longer an equal symbol. Perhaps this is again symbolic of the fact that we cannot be complacent with little victories; that this is a neverending fight; that there are divisions even among allies; and that dialogue must continue in every direction.